On Nakedness and Being Free in the Body

I am a dancer. It thrills me to the core essence of who I am to move my body.  I am an athlete.  The strength and flexibility of my body and what it can do fascinates me.  As a 54 year old woman I reflect on what I have put my body through for my life time.  The pounding, stretching out, repetitions.  On all types of surfaces.  The airspace I have taken up when I jump.  The hang time I strive for.  I twirl and wrap my body into the shapes of rhythms and I love the way it feels and looks.  It's amazing to reflect on how my body has served me in my purpose.  I have traveled the world to share my dance making deep connections at home and abroad.  In my reflection I thank my knees, my hips. Hey!  Every joint in my body for that matter! My muscles, ligaments, and fascia. I am taking deep breaths of gratitude right now as I write this because it has truly been a phenomenal journey in how I use this vessel I came here in.

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'I am an exhibitionist, and I love my body'. I said those words with joy and a big smile on my face while sitting naked in front of a camera.  This was the filming of HBO's Real Sex featuring the Punany Poets in 1999 in Oakland, California.  It was a hit and soon became the highest requested episode in the history of the show. There were times when hearing the words I spoke and watching part of my performance made me cringe and I thought, 'why did I say that'?  I had not used those words as a dancer but dancing is an act of exhibiting my form for an audience. 

I now understand it was a phrase relating to the small taste of being naked and free I experienced in being a stripper in NYC.  In exploring my sexuality and financing my photography endeavors I bought outfits, wigs, and worked in strip clubs in Brooklyn, Manhattan, Mt. Vernon and, the Bronx.  It was a double life and I was in it for just a minute; stacked my money, bought photography equipment, paid bills and got out.  As a performer I had great fun but it was hard and dangerous work.  The tax on the psychology of myself was high and I knew I could not continue in that line of work.  I felt like I was bout fo be, 'O-livi-a, lost and turned out!'

But the experience of being a stripper was something intriguing that I for a long time wanted to explore. There was something fun about being sexy that was thrilling to me.  Although I had learned  women were to be modest, and sexual expression was not discussed in my household there was something I enjoyed and wanted to know more about.  I, like many women I knew did not have conversations about sex with my mother.  She was a devout christian and sexual pleasure was not something her generation talked about. I am adventurous and exploring my sexuality and pleasure was to be a part of my life's journey.

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One of my first professional gigs was dancing at the Sporting Club in Monte Carlo.  I was a part of a cast of dancers and singers that had huge production shows during the week in a lavish venue.  On the weekends American French and Italian celebrities would do their show and my cast would either open the show for them or be choreographed into their show.  Some of the celebrities were Debbie Allen, Micheal Peters, Whitney Houston, Sammy Davis Jr., and Gregory Hines.  I lived there in the south of France for 3 months performing at one of the most beautiful venues in the world.

The beaches there were topless!  When myself and a few dancers went to the beach to go topless it was hilarious as we were nervous, giggly, and even did a count down so we would  all take off our tops at the same time, 3, 2, 1!  We screamed and laughed when the sun touched out bare chest.  I remember looking at the French people around us and they were like, pssssshhh and rolling their eyes like it's not a big deal.  I didn't care.  It was a big deal for me.  I never knew my titties like sun.  It. Felt. Great!

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My first memory of enjoying the sun on my bare chest included shame and confusion. It was a Saturday afternoon when my father was washing his car.  My brother was 8 and I was 6 years old and playing in the yard while he worked. My father worked up a sweat and took his shirt off.  He looked at his muscles rubbed his skin feeling the the sun on it and flexed his biceps for my brother and me. My brother took his shirt off and I followed right after him.  Feeling the sun on my skin energized me and I immediately started to dance around in a happy play.  This moment of joy was cut short by my father sharply telling me, 'put your shirt back on!'.  My brother laughed at me and said, 'girls cant' take their shirt off outside'.  It was a sad and confusing moment that brought my 6 year old self to tears. 'But why' I asked over and over. 'Girls don't do that', was the only answer I was given and it was never enough.  Something inside of me knew this was pleasurable and wanted more.

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Now, I am clear.  I enjoy and create fun and safe spaces to express my nudity and sexuality.  In 2003 I produced an erotic event where I curated a sexy night of erotic art, aphrodisiacs, live band, dancers, poets, vocalist, and a DJ with a slow dance set at the end of the night.  My curation is legendary I must say.  It was an AMAZING night and everyone was happy and grateful to be a part of it.

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In 2020, I am opening my home on Valentine's Day for the premiere of my photography exhibition, Oakland Picture Lady: Tale's of a 90's Girl.  This is an exhibit of photographs, collages, and short stories of my days as a Hip Hop photojournalist for 1992 - 1999.  As I sorted through dozens of boxes of my photography work, I found images from my modeling career.  In building this portfolio I included nudes and worked with many photographs to get these shots.  I have photographs from Victor Hall, Keba Konte, Saddi Khali, Jim Dennis, George Pitts, Refa One, Bryon Malik, Alien Ness, and Jamey Stilling. This is part of my photo collection I had not anticipated.  What to do with 30 years of amazing nude photos of myself?  Well, for one night only they will be viewed at my home and gallery in West Oakland!  I will be sharing stories of these experiences and what it means to be naked, vulnerable, free, and empowered in our own skin.  I hope to see you there! 

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My Life in Nudes
Friday February 14, 2020
  Tickets on sale now!

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